whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
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