Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
Lowest moment of my life just occurred. I literally threw up all over myself in front of my parents.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
There's a naked man in my car right now.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Randomize