Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
My new sobriety test is "how many times do I have to attempt to put toothpaste on my brush"... It takes a while.
she requested me as her brother on facebook.... biggest. letdown. ever.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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