Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I'm done trying to be a vegetarian. My vagina smells like hummus.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
I had a threesome with my hot neighbor and his GF and by threesome I mean I heard them getting it on in their apartment and I was in my apartment with a vibrator
and I may have moaned his name loud enough that they heard me because now he won’t make eye contact
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