you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
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