Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
We played Russian Roulette with a revolving Nerf gun. If you shot yourself in the face, you had to drink.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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