yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
Maybe you should have studied instead of worrying about who is going to have sex with you
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
So... he formspringed me a link to every nude pic ive taken since he 8th grade. ive evolved nicely. but im nervous as to how this a website.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
But I made it seem like I wasn't hungover at work, so that's a plus.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
Randomize
