so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
we're talking about where were going. or where we stand. but yeah we'll basically be doing it in the hallway so just ignore us
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
... I went down on him at the movies. I feel like Alanis Morisette.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I'm in the city buying alcohol. I just got warned by a homeless man on the street that I shouldn't look so pretty "in these parts"
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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