I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
As I was climbing out of the pool he slapped my ass and said 'stay golden', i don't know why but it felt right.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
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