So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
So ive come to the realization that my affinity for tattooed guys makes me the literal definition of tit for tat
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
We had sex in his hot tub. Then we saved a mouse that almost drown in his pool. We celebrated our heroism with more sex.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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