Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
I peed my pants walking home last night... I just kept walking.
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
He was gone for 5 minutes, opened the car door and said, "Don't eat my shit." and dropped Chipotle on the passenger seat. He was gone for another 10 minutes and came back with Coldstone. That stoned.
Randomize
