i havee beer in my backseat and a glow in the dark condom in my cleaveage.
you're going for the gold here.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
Our apt smells like hot shit marinated in oregano and cumin. No more taco truck dinner, fuck face. The wall paper is peeling.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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