She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
We role played last night. I was Brandon Inge and she was some slut from Toledo. Let's just say Triple A might not be so disappointing after all.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Gotta say, self-deprecating Lord of the Rings-themed sex jokes were not on my agenda for today.
Randomize