i barfeds in our rink
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I went from naked with lasts nights hookup to Ihop in 6 minutes flat
I think that's a new house record
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
it'll be okay! And just think of this ultrasound as the most action you've had in a month...
Randomize
