taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
We have so much sex to catch up on
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Bring a bathing suit and your good liver.
My good liver is still at the dry cleaners. Will my backup liver suffice?
Maybe
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Randomize
