idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
If its allowed to Tornado at 830am then Im allowed to have a beer and a cigarette at 830am
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
