u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I only had ten dollars. So leave it to Katie to somehow makeout with the bartender, on his shift mind you, and get free drinks.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
My relationship: I'm wearing batman panties and a tiara right now trying to get laid and he's doing dishes.
I just announced to Denny's that I'm not wearing a bra.
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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