Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Was this before, or after you took my brand new bag of shredded cheese, and "Made it rain"?
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
Randomize
