You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
That's your penis' name. I've always referred to it as Alejandro secretly.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
I can't base my relationships off of good dick and dogs.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
