Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
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