He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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