bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Already tried, she's too smart for that. I need a Primos "Do your wife in the butt" lure/call to trick her into wanting it
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I'm 50% weirded out and 50% into it
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
Nice. Ask if they watched saved by the bell. yes=legal. No=jailbait
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
