I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
I wish I only lived at night.
I told you I would drunk text you sometime........its that time.
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
If u were an xman, what would ur power be? I would shoot lasers from my boobs.
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I finally had to say "that's the hole where I pee" for him to understand.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
