dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
In other news, I just burned my penis
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
