How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
My mom just came into the kitchen and watched me take a double shot of whiskey and chase it with a beer and said "you are my son." Proudest family moment ever
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
Also I'm sorry for asking you to shave my vagina for me last night
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
PANTIES FOUND
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