O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
