You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
she kept her crown on the whole time i was giving her birthday sex
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
