MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
And the cockring thing wasn't sexual.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
Randomize
