there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
I asked him how his night was and he sent me a picture of a bottle of Ciroc with a bendy straw...
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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