I won't be sarcastic... just naked
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
Sitting on the toilet ... Eatin pizza with one hand, petting my cat with the other. I love a sad drunken life
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
Why thank you for your unwanted opinion, person I've never met before.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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