Your girlfriend is a south jersey whore
I got called a slut by a bunch of girls that work at Hooters..wtf is that shit? explain that to me
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
How was the rest of your night?
A little fuzzy and a lot naked.
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
