respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
