I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
He skipped an important family function with his dying father to fuck me. Terrible human, amazing fuck buddy.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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