You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
Green mimosas i think yes
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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