right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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