i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
I'm going to write a new song and call it "Did I wax my vagina for this?" remind me to never go across the country for a penis ever again.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
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