Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
Had sex with him again...yikes. and the whole time he kept saying "i wish we could do this forever." Forever lasted about 45 seconds
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Out of everyone here, the sober one caught the cat on fire.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Randomize
