She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
We fucked to Bonnie Tyler in my car. He's the one.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
