dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
I'm trimming my pubes right now and the battery was wearing down. So I chose to only trim one side. I cut the right side down and now I look like pubic two-face. Right all trim and near and left like a caveman.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
