I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
best part he said "i like your tattoo" as he walked into the room, stood right there looking at me, naked on top of his friend
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Only you two could pull off a partner swap with honeymooners
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
