Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
There are days when you go to throw something in your bedroom trash can and realize the only things in there are a used condom, a Lime-arita can and a muffin wrapper.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Randomize
