And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
Who the fuck just called me and played funkytown
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
