I just woke up under a kitchen table with my sandals taped to my feet and a corona bottle taped to my hand..
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
vagina is talking i cant
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I'm just crazy horny about you
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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