Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
The amount of times I have been emergency drunk in the past 72 hours is staggering
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
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