I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
All i want to do is drink fuck and cry... you dont have to cater all three its more like the saddest choose your own adventure ever
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
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