You're completely useless in the revolution.
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
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