She's hot, in a Megan Fox with Down's Syndrome kinda way. Like, she'd win Miss Deliverance Pageant
At least she's the hottest one. Oh well, it's all about stats
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Nothing quite like coming out of an alcohol induced blackout walking down Spruill Avenue carrying a silver briefcase full of IT tools you don't know where they came from. This is my life.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
you made out with another girl for some wings
Lost my anal v card with Peter Thiel's RNC speech on in the background. Unbelievably appropriate
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
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