you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Randomize
