My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
She said she's saving anal for marriage cuz she has to save something for her husband...seriously just caught myself lookin at rings.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
it's my fake id's birthday. i'm wearing a hat, and i have a beard. i'm untouchable. TO THE BARS!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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