Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
I'm sorry you missed class, the topic today is copy and paste. I'm not even kidding.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I am still awake. And let me sing you the song of my people. Ahem. "I have a bottle of hydrocodone and you all can fuck off."
Uh do you have my pants because I have yours
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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