I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
I'm at some strange place in what feels like Mexico, high and getting tacos.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
