I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
theres pictures of him knuckle deep in her, both of them thumbs up and cheesin. someone should take her kid away
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
FUCK WHALES
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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