OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
I think u should go home and go to bed. If u get arrested in the Ohio river u go to jail in Kentucky. Nobody wants to go to jail in KY.
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Oh and I guess I added our cab driver on Facebook. He has "liked" every single one of my beach pictures. Kill me now.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
After the day I've had, I can't decide if donuts or fireball would be the appropriate priority.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
Randomize
