if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
