the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
I'm in my math teacher's garage hiding right now because I fucked his son last night. It's fine
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
