i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize