I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
You took all of my sister's dolls and threw them out the window and then you started talking to her etcha sketch and mr. potato head. I later found you passed out in front of Toy Story and it all made sense.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
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