I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Randomize
