gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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