In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
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