no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
still drunk.please come get me.he kicked me out because i couldn't stop laughing about passing out in the middle of taking his virginity.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
this poor kid thinks hes going to have his first time with both of us
Randomize
