So that's a yes to the cocaine usage and a no to the rollerblading
i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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