he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I was just given a safe word. It's going it be an interesting night.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
You passed out in my bathroom last night. I put a towel over your face so I could shit without it being gay
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Randomize
