I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize