What are you wearing to our high school reunion?
I don't know, What kind of dress says "I feel sorry for you people?"
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
two drunk chicks are talking to me about reinacting 2girls1cup
ill bring the camera dont start without me
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I don't remember anything other than how good it felt when I peed my pants.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
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