I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
she said "i got this" and then fell on her face. within grabbing distance of the wall and her boyfriend
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I owe you cheese. The drunk munchies don't acknowledge food ownership.
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
Randomize
