If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
If we both finish he brings me a beer and cookies, if only he finishes I get wine and cheesecake. I think I'm in love.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
and it's like......my shirt is off and he's talking about quidditch. why.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
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