Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Randomize
